The institution of marriage is a very old concept. It was present throughout history, long before Christianity saw the light of this planet. There were different ways of becoming ”bonded”, but the principle remained the same: partnership. The nature of this ”partnership” differed: in some cases it was merely to procreate, in other cases to establish a spiritual bond. The culture that we are living in seems to be set in between the former and the latter. Marriage in the Western world appears to be based upon ”gender role practice” where two people mutually reinforce stereotypical behavioral patterns. What is even more grotesque is the lack of awareness which accompanies the entire process. But marriage itself is neutral – it is an idea, it does not align with anyone. It can be a powerful positive experience as well as a nightmare. Unfortunately, more and more people seem to view marriage as a way of sublimating their urges. There are easier ways of doing the latter – we do not have to get seriously involved and pay the consequences later. This is why for many marriage is a failed institution with no practical application in the eyes of many.
This essay is an attempt at delving into the core of ”the marriage problem.”
First and foremost, whether marriage reflects its purpose as stated by Jesus and others – no one can be certain. We can claim that marriage is a male idea because Jesus was a man; because priests are overwhelmingly men; and that women are clearly ignored/discriminated despite claiming to the contrary. It is puzzling as to why a woman would consider marriage to be a joyous occasion if it is one of the most significant chapters in her life, sealing her fate to be subjugated by the patriarchal system of the Church and other religions/ideologies? Many women tend to overlook that ”minute” detail or they justify it somehow to feel better about the whole process. What else can they do if entire society has been set a long time before their birth? We can only wonder why the ”fair sex” has problems with grasping their precarious position.
Secondly, most parents want to their progeny to see the sunlight. Once their child is born into this world, the perpetual cycle of despair continues. Behavioral thought patterns that govern the parents are then conferred onto an unsuspecting child before it can voice an opinion. After years of subtle – and not so subtle – conditioning of which the parents are unaware of, it is virtually impossible to think for ourselves. The victims become perpetrators. Father tells his son to ”treat women well” and ”protect them at all cost” while the mother tells her daughter to ”look for her knight in shining armor” and ”wave her handkerchief whilst her husband marches off to fight the bad guys.” The meme ( a belief spreading akin to a virus ) takes over human lives and thrives, wreaking havoc throughout society. But society is always there to make sure proper terms exist to label people causing problems.
Thirdly, society needs the institution of marriage. Without the latter, it would not be able to sustain itself. No population, no people working for the elderly, et al; chain reaction set in motion. Homosexuality is stigmatized because it leads to societal collapse – not enough people to perform basic functions necessary to maintain the status quo. The way homosexuality is stigmatized involves various tactics, but the underlying principle remains the same: the societial edifice is a selfish creation. Akin to SkyNet, it needs categories, it needs labels. It is a virus which connects everyone under the same umbrella. To see how strong this virus is, just watch a movie depicting an embarrassing situation when others are around you. What is your reaction? Most people would feel rather awkward despite the fact that nothing is really happening to them. Why?
Fourthly, there are different styles of marriage. In some countries, polygamy is the norm but husbands need to make sure his wife is financially secure. Polygamy can also become a dreary custom when dealing with deranged individuals, such as Warren Jeffs who threatened women with eternal damnation if they did not satisfy his sexual needs.
To conclude, there is nothing wrong with the idea behind marriages. It is the execution (sic?) that counts. Two ‘’soulmates” can form a union from which prolific riches spring. The definition of ‘’soulmate” as well as what constitutes a ”couple” – these notions are not easy to answer and each culture is going to offer a multitude of arguments as to why they are the only ones who got it all right. The more pervasive a meme is, the more it appears that we are dealing with tacit knowledge rather than speculation set in stone by repetition.
Indeed, are we just walking automatons playing out the message programmed into us by society? If so, who has programmed the programmer?
